Alan Watts: The Father Figure I Didn’t Know I Needed

My dad passed away when I was 19. At the time, I was a student at Antelope Valley High School in Lancaster, California.

What I remember most is coming home from a class trip to Knott’s Berry Farm. I felt weird and unsettled. My gut was telling me something was off.

Once I got home, I knew he had left this planet. Ironically, it happened in the ocean, the same place that now gives me calm.

The Dad I Never Really Knew

My dad was a 50s guy who worked as an air traffic controller, and before that he was in communications with the CIA.

Because of his work, he always felt distant and secretive. My two older brothers and I never really got to know the real him. Even in his wedding photo, there were people I didn’t recognize. Who were these people? Who was my dad?

I’m a big fan of spy and 60s secret agent movies like James Bond and Mission: Impossible. Maybe that’s my way of trying to understand my dad’s vague past, and find some way to relate to him.

When my dad got home from work, he’d hop on his ham radio equipment. He wasn’t the kind of person who hung out with his kids. We were his children, and he was the father figure. That was the line he drew with us.

I never understood how he could think interacting with his own sons was “stooping down to their level,” but those were the words he said to my mom.

While I didn’t have that connection with him, years later, a different voice found me when I least expected it.

Discovering Alan Watts on KCRW

Growing up in Lancaster, one of my favorite things was tuning in to KCRW 88.1 FM. I listened every day, especially to Morning Becomes Eclectic with Chris Douridas.

He played an incredible blend of alternative, electronic, and world music that became part of my daily ritual. At the same time, I was tuning in to KPFK 90.7 FM. That’s where I stumbled upon Alan Watts’ lectures and I was hooked.

He had a way of speaking about things that felt forward-thinking, especially when he simplified Taoism and Buddhism. His voice, and the way he delivered that knowledge with a subtle British accent, is what first pulled me in.

If you’ve ever seen The Last Emperor and remember Peter O’Toole, it’s that same kind of eloquent, timeless voice.

He doesn’t lecture, he speaks directly to the listener. It’s almost like hanging out with an old, wise friend who’s looking out for you, the way a father figure should.

Learning How To Go With the Flow

After discovering Watts, I was curious to dive deeper into Taoism. I started reading everything from The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff to The Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu.

Later, I dove into The Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Each book pulled me further into the flow.

The biggest lesson I have taken is how to go with the flow in life, which is one of the core ideas in Taoism, along with doing good deeds and helping other people.

Most people live in the opposite way. Something goes “wrong,” and they resist it. They tense up, usually with anger, and react to the situation in a way that only fuels the fire.

Watts has this idea: the more you let go, the more things begin to work.

Here’s what it means in simple terms:

• Instead of fighting the current, you float with it
• Instead of trying to control everything, you let go
• Instead of choosing anger, you choose peace
• Instead of being concerned over the future or the past, live in the present moment

Finding the Zen

When my dad passed, I lost the kind of guidance and support most people don’t even realize they’re receiving. I have two older brothers, but it’s just not the same thing.

A father provides presence and reassurance when you’re learning about life. He’s the steady voice that helps keep you grounded and focused. A dad is there when you need him most.

I’m 54 now, and many years later, without even realizing it, Alan Watts became that exact father figure I needed.

It took me a long time to learn, understand, and actually practice the core ideas of Taoism, but I got there. I live more in the present moment now, instead of spending so much time stuck in my head.

I owe a lot of that to spiritual father figures like Alan Watts, Eckhart Tolle, and Benjamin Hoff. Their words found me when I needed them most.

Tides of Connection

I still miss my dad, and that probably will never go away. Even though he’s gone, we’re connected by something that made him happy and now gives me calm: the ocean.

Whenever I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed, the ocean is where I find my peace. I become one with the ebb and flow of the tide, and there’s a part of me that sometimes says hi to my dad.

That’s where he passed away, in the ocean at Malibu, so in a strange way, that became our shared connection.

The Silver Lining

But I’m grateful that when that chapter closed, another kind of guidance entered my life through Alan Watts and other spiritual mentors.

We don’t always choose our mentors. Sometimes they find us late at night on the radio. Sometimes the voices that shape us most are the ones we’ve never even met.

There’s still part of me that’s angry my dad isn’t around but there’s nothing I can do about it. I had to let him go a long time ago.

Alan Watts became the father I never realized I needed. That changed everything, and it’s a big part of why I’ve become the person I am today.